Dear Maxene Sofia,
I see you. I feel you. I understand you now more than ever. It took me a while to get here but I don’t really mind. Having this much peace and clarity today makes the journey worthwhile and meaningful.
When I think of you, I remember your bright and colorful energy. You were so full of life, optimistic and hopeful. You were everyone’s cheerleader, always encouraging and motivating the people around you. But you were also learning to follow orders, to agree with others, and to be the “good girl” everyone expected you to be. You did it because you wanted to keep the peace. Because you believed that doing things your own way might disappoint the very people you loved. So you learned to put their needs, their expectations, and their happiness before your own. You learned to make yourself smaller so that everyone else could be comfortable.
On the surface, it looked like you were okay. You were doing what you were supposed to be doing, fixing your physical appearance to make sure you looked “perfect,” smiling and performing for others because you wanted to please them so bad until people-pleasing became one of your patterns. The more you pleased others, the more you felt seen. Their approval eventually became your source of validation. No wonder you were always so exhausted and drained. You kept chasing something outside of yourself just so you could, “feel good” inside.
And my love, I wish I could go back in time just to tell you that you never had to do any of that.
I’m writing you this letter to let you know that I am not blaming you for how you behaved in the past. I understand now that you were only doing your best to survive. You were doing the best that you could with the information that you had at the time. Going through life unaware of unprocessed pain and trauma can be incredibly challenging, to say the least. I didn’t know it back then, but the reason you were often triggered and short-tempered was because you were carrying so much repressed anger—anger you weren’t even consciously aware you were holding on to. And this is why I am so proud of you for making the courageous decision to reclaim your power, take control of your life and do the work to heal.
When you started practicing yoga, going to therapy, nourishing your body, getting enough sleep, and finally turning your attention inward, life began to unfold in ways you never imagined. You stopped unconsciously giving your power away and started protecting your energy. You stopped living to please others and started listening to your own soul. You stopped performing for approval and started living in genuine service to God. Connecting with yourself on a soul level was one of the most beautiful things you ever did—not just because it made life more beautiful, but because it finally brought you home to yourself.
Sweet soul, you are a miracle. You are living proof that sunshine and rainbows can come after the rain. Where there was once darkness and despair, there is now so much love and light. You should be so proud of yourself for choosing to move forward every single day—even on the days when it felt like all hope was gone. For choosing to keep going, to keep believing, and for never giving up on yourself. I’m so happy you chose to fall in love with life again. And I hope you never forget just how beautiful it is that you’re still here, still growing, still becoming, and still choosing life.
Look at you now. You made it through the rain. And you are blooming.
Keep going, love.